January 14, 2015

We Rule the Night: Top 10 Awesomely Bad Heavy Metal Music Videos

Heavy Metal: It's loud, in your face and sometimes it's just downright funny. Here are ten awesomely bad music videos to prove that.

10. Hear 'n Aid - Stars

Back in the '80s, it seemed like everyone was recording a song to raise money for a cause. In Canada they had "Tears Are Not Enough", in England there was "Do They Know It's Christmas?" and here in America we had "We Are the World". It seems though some don't remember that the metal community also took part in help raise awareness when metal legend Ronnie James Dio and his bandmates wrote the song "Stars". They managed to form Hear 'n Aid, a one-time collaboration that featured just about every member from an '80s metal band that were big at the time: Rob Halford (Judas Priest), Vince Neil (Mötley Crüe), Don Dokken (Dokken), Blackie Lawless (W.A.S.P.), Kevin DuBrow (Quiet Riot), Geoff Tate (Queensrÿche), the guys from Spinal Tap, among many others to help record the song. The best part is that they made a music video for the whole recording. Watching '80s metal musicians sing and play their hearts out and look glamorous all at the same time for seven minutes is truly astounding.

9. Eudoxis - Metal Fix

I don't know much about Eudoxis other than they are from Canada and they put out this little thrash metal video. The song is awesome and the video doesn't really have much to it. All you see is them playing their instruments and headbanging, but what else would you expect from a heavy metal music video? What makes this video so entertaining are the band's outfits. These guys made sure that they were covered in spiked body armor from head to toe. They even added some spikes to the drums to complete the look. Another part that makes this video so enjoyable are the close-ups of the lead singer. He looks like he couldn't decide if he wanted to be in a heavy metal or a new wave band. If you are ever in need of a "metal fix", then I highly suggest checking out this video.

8. Halloween - What a Nice Place

Heavy metal and horror really do go together like peanut butter and jelly. This band Halloween is a good example. These guys were like the love child of glam and doom metal with their big hair, black make-up and spooky lyrics. To call yourself Halloween, you better live up to the name and they sort of did all thanks to their music videos. Let's just say "What a Nice Place" was their "masterpiece" out of the two or three videos they made. First of all, it begins with the "Silver Shamrock" theme from Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Now I don't know about you, but that's enough for this gal to get excited about a music video. We also get to see the band playing in dungeon full of skulls, the drummer using gigantic bones for drumsticks and a newlywed couple being chased in a house by what looks to be extras from the 1984 horror film Rocktober Blood. Talk about a pure '80s metal cheesefest. It's a shame Halloween weren't big back in the day, because I think they just might be one of the coolest bands to ever grace this planet.


7. Judas Priest - Hot Rockin'

If you have ever seen the 1986 documentary Heavy Metal Parking Lot, you know by now that Judas Priest is the best. Doesn't matter if they go roller skating through Central Park, sing a song about being someone's "Turbo Lover" or even make a silly music video from time to time, these guys are true heavy metal legends. Not sure who thought of the idea for the music video for the track "Hot Rockin'" off the band's 1981 album Point of Entry, but someone clearly wasn't thinking straight that day. It starts off with all the guys in Judas Priest working out. Maybe it's just me, but I think Judas Priest would be one of the last heavy metal bands I would ever expect to see at a gym. It then cuts to the band singing in the showers (Hello, Glenn Tipton) while lead singer Rob Halford hangs out in a sauna, because you know saunas are very metal. For the rest of the video we pretty much see the band performing, but all of the sudden all of that cheesy greatness returns when the speakers explode and Rob Halford begins to light everything on fire with his microphone. Judas Priest wanted to give us a "Hot Rockin'" music video and they did only adding a little extra cheese to it.

6. Voivod - Ravenous Medicine

If you've never heard of Voivod, you will definitely become a fan after watching this. You might even watch it over and over again. Between Snake's hilarious facial expressions, a guy dressed as a chainsaw maniac as well as a doctor holding a syringe full of "AIDS" and using cheap green screen effects, these Canadian thrashers managed to make one of the best "so bad, it's good" music videos of all time for their anti-animal experimentation song "Ravenous Medicine". It's obvious these guys didn't have much money to make their video, but that didn't stop them from making sure that the song's message got across. Stop animal slaughter and stop ravenous medicine!

5. Thor - Anger

Alright, so it might be considered the worst music video ever made in heavy metal history. So what? It's Thor! If you're a fan of Thor then you know that their music videos have always been made on a low budget (watch "Lightning Strikes"). Heck, even frontman Jon Mikl Thor is best known for starring in low budget horror films such as Zombie Nightmare and Rock 'n Roll Nightmare. As you can see in "Anger", these guys didn't need thousands of dollars to make an entertaining music video. All they needed were some cheap effects, swords and Jon shirtless (Eat your heart out, Fabio). Thor should've changed the lyrics to "Awesome is my middle name", because this music video definitely is.

4. Manowar - Gloves of Metal

"We wear leather, we wear spikes, we rule the night". Damn right you do, Manowar. You know what else rules? This music video. With their long hair and furry loincloths, these guys certainly look like they could be extras in Conan the Barbarian. There's not a whole to the video other than the band riding horses and playing on a big stage in front of their fans that don't really look like Manowar fans. Oh, and towards the end they bring out the swords and fight off a bunch of cavemen showing that us they are indeed true metal warriors. Yes, it's a corny music video, but there's no denying that it might even make you swoon.

3. Savatage - Hall of the Mountain King

First of all, I just have to say that this song kills. Once you hear Criss Olivia's opening guitar riff you are immediately hooked. Also have to mention Jon Olivia's incredible vocal range. That evil laugh of his gives me chills every time. With an eerie song comes an even more eerie music video. Okay, maybe not. It just has a dwarf running around a cave to try to steal gold from the so-called Mountain King with the help of vocalist Jon Olivia. At the end, the dwarf makes it out with a treasure box that contains a cassette of Savatage's Hall of the Mountain King. Now that's how you promote an album.

2. Venom - Nightmare

Venom rules. Not only are they pioneers of both the thrash and black metal genres, but these guys are also comedic geniuses. You can definitely see that in their video for "Nightmare", which is basically about a woman who keeps having nightmares about a creepy, old lady chasing her around. It's silly, but it's really the band that makes this video so hilarious. It's almost like watching This Is Spinal Tap!. They tried so hard to look mean and frightening, but it just wasn't paying off. Obviously it was all just for shits and giggles and that's why I love bands like Venom. They don't take themselves too seriously. They're all about having fun and entertaining the fans. Oh, and if they ever make a movie about them, they should get either Joseph Gordon-Levitt or James McAvoy to play Cronos.


1. Candlemass - Bewitched

That moment when Messiah Marcolin rises from the coffin during his "funeral", you know you're in for a real treat with this music video. The video is mainly Marcolin walking around hypnotizing people once he points his finger at them and shouts "You are bewitched". With that afro and those Kate Bush-like dance moves, you can clearly see why he calls himself as the master. Also, I'm pretty sure that this is the only music video to ever feature a guitarist playing a solo with a broken hand. To top things off, Marcolin introduces everyone to the most metal dance ever (the Doom Dance or whatever you want to call it). Soon Messiah Morcolin and his hypnotized headbangers whip into a Doom Dance frenzy that eventually sends him back to the grave. If that doesn't entertain you, then I really don't know what else will. It's the best worst music video of all time.

December 9, 2013

Let's Talk: Top 10 After School Specials

Oh, the After School Special. In case you're not familiar with the term, these were short made-for-TV movies that dealt with teen social issues such as drug use, pregnancy, abuse and illiteracy just to name a few. The series began when ABC Afterschool Special made its debut in 1972 and ran for a total of 25 seasons until 1997. CBS also had a very similar program called Schoolbreak Special that ran from the early '80s to the late '90s. Although they had that low budget quality, After School Specials did help raise awareness of the problems that teenagers are still facing to this day. Can't forget to mention that these programs also brought us some familiar faces: Ben Affleck, Jodie Foster, Rob Lowe, Helen Hunt. Now that we're stuck in the "reality TV" days, it really makes you wish that shows like the After School Special were still around. To show my love for these cheesy specials, I've decided to share some of my favorites.

(Spoilers may ensue)

10. Between Two Loves

Playing violin has always been Susan Adams' (Karlene Crockett) dream. When she arrives at a new school to pursue her dream, she meets another violin player named Doug Henshaw (Lance Guest). With sharing the same passion it's obvious that Susan and Doug fall in love. Trouble soon arrives though when they have to compete against each other for a scholarship. Susan is torn between her career and her relationship. I would be too if my boyfriend was Lance Guest. With the help of her teacher Mr. Forbes (Robert Reed), Susan learns that she needs to please herself instead of trying to please others. Now that's a lesson I think everyone should learn.

9. Did You Hear What Happened to Andrea?

A girl named Andrea (Michele Greene) is raped after hitching a ride from a stranger. She is having a hard time trying to cope with the assault and her family isn't making it any better. Her father is going crazy trying to find her attacker and her mother just acts like nothing ever happened. Andrea feels totally lost and doesn't what to do, but soon finds out that talking about what happened will help her find the support that she needs to overcome it. Did You Hear What Happened to Andrea? is a great special that really shows us about the dangers of hitchhiking. I guarantee you want to walk or take a bus after you watch it.

8. Have You Tried Talking to Patty? 

Patty Miller (Mary Vreeland) is a teenager who has trouble being accepted by others because she is hearing impaired. When her friends start getting asked out on dates, Patty feels that she will never have a boyfriend due to her condition. So she decides to give herself a makeover. Patty is happy that her new look is helping her get attention from the boys, but later learns that it is not for the right reasons. Changing her image has only made things worse for Patty. At least it helps her understand that those who are close to her love her for who she is and that it has nothing to do with her hearing problems. Those who can't see that well... screw 'em! Have You Tried Talking to Patty? is one of those specials that I'm glad was made in the '80s. Gotta love the sad saxophone music, the characters that look like they're ready to audition for a Billy Idol music video and the use of the term "heavy". Also, if you're a fan of the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise like myself be sure to keep an eye out for Heather Langenkamp (A Nightmare on Elm Street, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, Wes Craven's New Nightmare) and Mark Patton (A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge).

7. First Step

First Step aka She Drinks a Little is the perfect example of an After School Special. It deals with an issue that has been tackled many times before: alcoholism. Cindy Scott (Amanda Wyss) is a teenager who doesn't want to face the fact that her mother Miriam (Bonnie Bartlett) is an alcoholic. After being embarrassed at her school play, Cindy decides that she's tired of making excuses for her mother. She also decides to join Alateen after her friend and major cutie Mitch (Michael LeClair) begs her to go. Like Cindy, his parents are also alcoholics. Together they learn that they can't make them stop drinking. They can only hope that one day their parents will see what harm it's doing them and want to seek help. Out of all the specials that deal with this topic, I will say this is definitely the one to watch. It shows a more honest side to what's it's like living with an alcoholic. Just watch the ending. You will want to go roller skating afterwards.

6. The Great Love Experiment

Before Clueless and She's All That, there was The Great Love Experiment. Jen Robbins (Tracy Pollan) has it all with her good looks and popularity. To make her senior year more exciting she decides she wants to do a human experiment to see if giving someone a makeover and lots of attention will help them become popular just like her. Jen's target: Maude Harris (Kelly Wolf). Maude is your typical geeky girl who focuses a lot on school and doesn't dress to impress. After a few hangouts, Jen notices that her "experiment" is working as Maude starts getting attention, especially from the boys. Can't forget to mention that some experiments do come with problems, but in the end Jen realizes that she did gain something from it: a great friend. I guess the lesson we learn from this special is to not use people like guinea pigs.

5. Face at the Edge of the World

Also known as A Desperate Exit, you can only guess that this special is about suicide and how it affects everyone. After hearing that his best friend Charlie (Malcolm-Jamal Warner) commits suicide, Jed (Rob Stone) is left trying to figure out why. As he starts to find answers, Jed realizes that he didn't really know his best friend as much as he thought he did. He feels guilty and wishes that Charlie would have talked to him about it instead of taking his own life. You might want to grab a few tissues before you watch this one.

4. The Day My Kid Went Punk

Band geek Terry (Jay Underwood) is in a rut and he wants out. He's tired of feeling like a nobody and thinks that dressing like a punker will help him get noticed by his peers. Well, it works. He's now cool with the kids, but not so much with the adults. They pretty much think he's a freak and even some find him dangerous. Terry doesn't understand and tries to show everyone that he's not that kind of person. We learn several lessons in this special. First, you should never judge a person by their appearance. Second, you should always be yourself. Third, if you're going to dress like a "punk" you better play some punk music. Okay, I might've made up that last one, but I think Terry was going for more New Wave. That's just me. Oh well, at least that's what makes this episode so much fun. 

3. One Too Many

In this special, a night turns to tragedy for four friends Annie (Michelle Pfeiffer), Eric (Val Kilmer), Beth (Mare Winningham) and Tim (Lance Guest) as one of them decides to drive drunk. While it may have a simple plot and twisted ending, this special does carry a strong message about the dangers of drinking an driving. It's funny to me that Michelle Pfeiffer (Scarface, Grease 2) and Val Kilmer (Real Genius, Top Secret!) did this around the time they had already starred in big motion pictures. It's also funny that they would later go on to star in Batman movies (Pfeiffer as Catwoman in Batman Returns, Kilmer as Batman in Batman Forever). If there's one anti-drunk driving movie everyone should see it should be One Too Many.

2. Hear Me Cry

Hear Me Cry is another special that deals with the topic of suicide. This time it involves two people. David Goldman (Lee Montgomery) is popular with his good looks and athletic skills and Craig Parsons (Robert MacNaughton) is a loner who makes good grades. When they're paired up for an assignment in science class, the boys discover that they have a lot more in common than they thought. Both of them are going through hard times in their lives and are looking for a way out. They see suicide as the only solution and decide to make a pact to end their lives together. Hear Me Cry does a great job at sending a clear message to viewers about suicide without trying to romanticize it. Again, you'll probably need to grab the tissue box when you watch this one. I know listening to T.S.O.L.'s "Flowers by the Door" hasn't been the same for me since.

1. Ace Hits the Big Time

There's nothing cheesier than an After School Special that involves gangs. Well, if that's what you want to call them. Horace "Ace" Hobart (Rob Stone) starts his first day at a new school that is supposedly run by a young group called the Purple Falcons. At first, Ace is so terrified of running into the gang that he pretty much starts to have hallucinations. One minute there's a gang member in his closet and the next minute there's a whole group of them that look like they're from Fame performing a dance routine out in the streets. I swear I'm not making this up. Once he meets the real Purple Falcons, he learns that they're not as bad as everyone says. They actually seem to be more intimidated by Ace, because he wears an eye patch. They don't know that he's only wearing it to hide a pimple on his eye. Things even get more weird for Ace and the Falcons when they are offered a part in a movie. This leads to another gang in town called the Piranhas to challenge them to a fight just because they're going to be in a movie. Ace thinks that making a cake for the Piranhas will help make amends and it does. Not sure if there's anything to learn from this episode other than members of street gangs like to dance and eat cake. It doesn't even matter though, because it's the most entertaining After School Special I have ever seen.

August 14, 2011

Strong & Beautiful: 15 Greatest Women of Wrestling

I know I mostly write about movies and music here at my blog, but it's funny that I don't really write about my third love that is professional wrestling. Well, that's all about to change. Professional wrestling has been a part of my life ever since I can remember. I grew up watching shows like Monday Night Raw and Monday Nitro with my brother. We always pretended to be our favorite wrestlers and have our own little matches like most kids who love wrestling do. Those were good times. I'm sure most can agree that it's not as exciting to watch these days, but in recent months it has become pretty exciting again much thanks to guys like CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan.

Anyways, I figured since I wanted to write more about wrestling on here that I would start it off with a list of my favorite female performers. Being a female who loves wrestling, it's pretty obvious that I looked up to a lot of the women wrestlers/Divas growing up. They taught me how to be strong and courageous. Luckily, it wasn't too hard for me to pick who I wanted on the list even though I know I left a few out. Feel free to tell me or make a post about who would be on your list.

Of course, I should mention that wrestlers such as The Fabulous Moolah, Mildred Burke and Mae Young are really the greatest women of professional wrestling, because without them there wouldn't be a women's division today.

15. Natalya

Known for being a third-generation wrestler as a member of the Hart wrestling family, Natalya has proven that she's worked very hard to get where she's at. Joining the WWE in 2008, she managed her cousin David Hart Smith and real-life boyfriend Tyson Kidd in one of the last great tag teams to come around in a while The Hart Dynasty. After Hart Dynasty disbanded in late 2010, Natalya went on to become a first-time WWE Diva's Champion. Even though she sports the pink and black attire, you can also tell that she is a Hart by her in-ring abilities with her multiple suplex variations and of course the Sharpshooter. I think Natalya will be sticking around much longer to continue her family's legacy.

14. Amazing Kong/Kharma

Currently known as Kharma in the WWE, Amazing Kong is one tough woman. Name any female or male wrestler Kong can take them all. Winning over ten Championships in different companies worldwide, I could see her possibly winning even bigger gold very soon now that she's with the WWE. I know she's on a leave of absence right now, but she will definitely dominate the women's and maybe the men's division when she comes back.

13. Bull Nakano

There are two things that I love most about Bull Nakano. First, I love her unique style. Second, I love how vicious she was in the ring. Her feud with Alundra Blayze was one of the greatest in wrestling history. She even won the WWE Women's Championship by defeating Blayze in Tokyo on November 20, 1994. While her time with companies like the WWE and WCW were short-lived, Nakano will be remembered for bringing a new style to the women's division.

12. Mickie James

Alright, I have to admit it. When Mickie James first entered the WWE, it was around the time when I really wasn't watching wrestling at all. I was too busy being a teenager. I knew who James was and all though. I remember her as Alexis Laree back in her early days with TNA and I knew that when she first started out as Mickie James she was playing Trish Stratus' obsessed fan and that was about it. I didn't really get to see everything she did after that. When I finally got back into it again though, I realized how far she had come. Being a five-time WWE Women's Champion, WWE Diva's Champion and a TNA Women's Knockout Champion, I'd say that is pretty damn impressive. With her bubbly personality and the Long Kiss Goodnight as one of her finishers, who doesn't love Mickie James?

11. Luna Vachon

I loved Luna Vachon. She looked like a character from a heavy metal horror film. What was great about her was that she wasn't like most of the women in the wrestling business. She wasn't trying to be a big bombshell. She was a woman who actually wanted to be a wrestler. Although she never won the Women's Championship, Luna Vachon will always be remembered for creating one of the most wackiest characters in wrestling history. From her feuds with Alundra Blayze aka Madusa and Sensational Sherri to her days of being a valet for superstars like Goldust and the Oddities, Luna Vachon was sure fun to watch. It's very sad that we lost her last year. We'll miss you, Luna!

10. Molly Holly

Molly Holly was probably the greatest female technical wrestler to ever enter the WWE. I should also mention that she was one of the most underrated as well. Known for being the "cousin" to Hardcore and Crash, Molly Holly could always put on a match. Although it was fun to see her team up with guys like Spike Dudley and The Hurricane, Molly showed us that she could be just as great on her own by winning the Women's Championship twice and even winning the Hardcore Championship. What was most important to Molly Holly was that she wanted people to appreciate her for her in-ring abilities more than anything. That's why she developed this somewhat prudish character to avoid being looked at as just another pretty face and who could really blame her for that? Her most memorable moment came at WrestleMania XX, when she lost the Women's Championship to Victoria and was forced to have her head shaved after the match. I would love to see Molly Holly return to wrestling very soon, because I think she still has a few more Molly-Go-Rounds left in her.

9. Beth Phoenix

Although she is the best and strongest female wrestler in the WWE right now, "The Glamazon" Beth Phoenix has already proven that she is one of the greatest of all-time. With winning the Women's Championship three times and being the second woman to ever enter the Royal Rumble match, Beth could possibly be working her way to winning the Intercontinental or the U.S. Championship someday. That's only if the WWE would change their PG programming. I'm so glad that she turned heel a few weeks ago, because I believe this move will help bring some meaning back to the Divas division. Beth Phoenix will continue to dominate the WWE for many years to come.

8. Victoria/Tara

I miss Victoria. I know she's currently known as Tara on TNA, but I don't really watch TNA anymore. Now, I should say that I really miss the psychotic Victoria back when she debuted in the WWE. In my opinion, that was one of the greatest wrestling characters ever created. I also can't forget to mention the great feud she had with Trish Stratus that involved some of my favorite matches like the Hardcore match at Survivor Series (2002). Winning the WWE Women's Championship twice and the TNA Women's Knockout Championship four times, you can definitely say that Victoria/Tara is one of the most successful female wrestlers of the past ten years. I think she'll get the credit she deserves very soon, because she is one of the most talented female wrestlers around. If you ask me, the Widow's Peak is still one of the coolest finishing moves in professional wrestling.

7. Alundra Blayze/Madusa

Probably better known as Madusa, no one can ever forget that night when she dropped the WWE Women's Championship in the garbage can on WCW's Monday Night Nitro. Sure it hurt her career some, but it was an important moment in wrestling history. With being a three-time WWE Women's Champion and being the first woman to ever win the WCW Cruiserweight Championship, Alundra Blayze/Madusa made it clear that she was a wrestler and she made the right decision by leaving the wrestling business around the time it wasn't focusing much on the women's division. Blayze will always be remembered for helping shape women's wrestling during the '90s and I hope to see her be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame very soon.

6. Sable

"This is for all the women who want to be me and for the men who come to see me!". This quote alone is why Sable earned a spot on my list. Oh, and the fact that she once powerbombed her ex-husband Marc Mero. Sable was the queen of the "Attitude Era". She pretty much had it all when she became the first woman in the WWE to pose for Playboy. Though she had the good looks, Sable proved that she could mix it in the ring as well when she became a WWE Women's Champion. While she's probably known as Mrs. Brock Lesnar today, Sable will be always be remembered for being one of the WWE's original Divas.

5. Wendi Richter

If one woman ruled wrestling during the '80s it was Wendi Richter. She was "150 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal". Her most memorable moment was when she defeated The Fabulous Moolah (ending her 2,113 day reign) to win the WWE's Women's Championship at MTV's The Brawl to End it All on July 23, 1984. At the end of the match, Richter celebrated her win with pop singer Cyndi Lauper. This soon lead to the Rock 'n' Wrestling Connection . Another unforgettable moment for Richter happened on November 25, 1985 at Madison Square Garden when she was involved in the "Original Screwjob". She was set to defend her title against a mysterious masked opponent by the name of The Spider Lady. The referee of the match made a swift three count as The Spider Lady pinned Richter, even though Richter kicked out after the count of one. She continued to attack The Spider Lady and soon unmasked her to reveal that it was The Fabulous Moolah in disguise. It was reported that this was all set up by Vince McMahon to rid Richter of the title after she refused to sign a new contract with the WWE. That was her last appearance with the company. In 2010, she was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Although her time with the WWE was short-lived, Wendi Richter paved the way for many female wrestlers today.

4. Sherri Martel

In my opinion, Sherri Martel was the greatest female manager in wrestling history. She managed some of the greats like "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase, "Macho Man" Randy Savage and "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair just to name a few. Martel could wrestle too and she even held the WWE's Women's Championship for a total of 441 days. Sensational Sherri has in some way influenced everyone in professional wrestling. She was the one who could do it all. Sadly, Sherri Martel passed away in 2007, but her legacy will continue to inspire generations.

3. Chyna

Chyna has had more accomplishments more than any other Diva in the WWE. She's the first and only woman to ever win the Intercontinental Championship (She actually won it on two occasions). She's also the first woman to ever enter the Royal Rumble match, qualify for the King of the Ring tournament and be a number one contender for the WWE Championship. Oh yeah, and she was still the WWE Women's Champion until she left the company in 2001. They didn't call her "The Ninth Wonder of the World" for nothing. Chyna was also a member of D-Generation X, one of the most popular stables in WWE history. Also, who could forget the time when she was Eddie Guerrero's "Mamacita"? What makes Chyna one of the greatest is that she was the first to prove that she could dominate both the women and men's division.

2. Trish Stratus

First of all, I know what you're thinking, "Why is Trish Stratus at the No. 2 spot and not No. 1?". Well, let's just say that as much as I love Trish I wanted to give the No. 1 spot to someone else. A seven-time WWE Women's Champion, WWE Hardcore Champion, Babe of the Year from 2001-2004 and the Diva of the Decade, Trish Stratus is the most successful WWE Diva of all-time. Although she first started in the WWE as a valet for wrestlers such as Val Venis and T & A (Test & Albert), Stratus worked her way to the top of the women's division. She was able to show everyone that she was more than just eye candy. While she may have retired in 2006, we all know that Trish always delivered 100% Stratusfaction guaranteed.

1. Lita

The Queen of Extreme! Growing up, I wanted to be just like her. I had the red hair, fishnet shirts, pretty much everything. Heck, I even had a cat named after her (I hope that doesn't sound creepy). First starting her WWE career as the valet for luchador Essa Rios, Lita gained her popularity when she formed Team Xtreme along with the Hardy Boyz. From then on, she dominated the women's division. A four-time WWE Women's Champion, Lita was even the first woman to be in the main event twice on Raw. The first time was when she defeated Stephanie McMahon to win her first WWE's Women's Championship in 2000 and the second was when she won the Championship a second time by defeating Trish Stratus in 2004. In my opinion, Lita was the first to make people interested in women's wrestling again since Alundra Blayze.  She was definitely a trendsetter for women's wrestling with her tomboy attitude and high-flying moves. She showed us that she was a woman who was not afraid to take chances. It was very sad when Lita retired from the WWE, because the Divas division started to fall apart right after that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she will return for one more match someday.

June 24, 2011

What Are You Looking At, Nerd?: Top 10 '80s Movie Jerks

I love to hate them. You love to hate them. We all love to hate them.


10. Cinder Carlson (Little Darlings)

Losing your virginity can be one of the most terrifying moments in a person's life, and to have someone like Cinder Carlson (Krista Errickson) pressuring you to do it can make it even more difficult. All Ferris (Tatum O'Neal) and Angel (Kristy McNichol) wanted to do was go to summer camp and try to have a good time. Instead they were spending their time trying to lose their virginity, because prissy Cinder made them feel so ashamed that they haven't already. I know the girls learned a very valuable lesson at the end, but still they experienced something so meaningful at a very young age. Cinder pretty much learned that putting out at a young age doesn't make you special and that it's probably something you shouldn't brag about.

9. Melvin Moody (My Bodyguard)

Anytime I think of bad guys in movies, I usually think of those Matt Dillon has played. One of his early bad boy roles was as Lake View High School's big bully Melvin Moody in the 1980 comedy-drama My Bodyguard. Being the new kid at school is already a drag for Clifford Peache (Chris Makepeace) and when he meets Moody and his gang, he knows that the rest of his school year is going to be even more miserable. Moody is like your typical bully, he usually bugs kids for their lunch money and trips them in the cafeteria so everyone else can see. The thing that makes him an ass even more is that when he takes the kids' lunch money, he tells them that his reason for doing it is to protect them from the large, school outcast Ricky Linderman (Adam Baldwin). Just when you think Clifford gets a break from Moody when he hires Linderman as his bodyguard, Moody comes back with his own bodyguard. At the end, Clifford finally stands up and fights back leaving Moody with a broken nose. Take that, Moody! Or should I say Melvin?

8. Roy Stalin (Better Off Dead)

Being dumped by the person you love most is a sad situation, and to be dumped for the most popular guy in school with a badass name like Roy Stalin (Aaron Dozier) is even more heartbreaking. Just ask Lane Myer (John Cusack), who practically tried to kill himself several times over this. While Lane's life was in misery, it didn't help that cocky Roy kept rubbing it in his face that he now had his girl and was king of the K-12. Eventually, Lane proved to Roy that he was the better man by beating his score on the K-12 on one foot and getting himself a much cooler French girlfriend in the end. I'm still waiting for the day they make a sequel featuring the paperboy hunting Roy's ass down for pushing him off the K-12. Oh, and wanting his two dollars. 

7. Judy (Sleepaway Camp)

Words cannot express how I feel about Judy (Karen Fields) from Sleepaway Camp, except for the fact that she is one mean bitch. Plain and simple. She even looks like one with that side ponytail. Judy and the other kids at Camp Arawak were so mean, you pretty much wanted them to get it. They were all stuck up little snots. Maybe it was all due to their shorts being too tight. I don't know. Angela seemed to be minding her own business until Judy and everyone else started messing with her. Girl had to do what she had to do, right?

6. Stan Gable (Revenge of the Nerds)

If you're going to college and you're a bit of a nerd, Stan Gable (Ted McGinley) is a guy you probably don't want to bump into. Stan hates nerds. He'd most likely say they ruined everything for him now these days, but really he did all of the damage to himself. He and the other Alpha Betas made the lives of Gilbert's (Anthony Edwards), Lewis' (Robert Carradine), and the rest of the Lambda Lambda  Lambda gang a living hell by constantly harassing them and making them feel ashamed of who they were until they all decided that they were not going to take it anymore. So they got back at Stan and the Alpha Betas by taking their women and winning control over the Greek Counsil, because after all they're NERRRRRDS and they are proud of it!

5. Hardy Jenns (Some Kind of Wonderful)

Ah, Hardy Jenns. Handsome, smart and a total asshole. Sure he has the good looks and awesome car, but if you are looking for something more serious with Hardy (Craig Sheffer) it's definitely not going to happen. Take Amanda Jones (Lea Thompson) for example. She was the most popular girl in school all due to the fact that she was Hardy's girl, but that soon ended when she dumped him for cheating on her with one of those girls from Wilson Phillips'. What made him such an asshole even more was that he tried to make Amanda look like a fool for dumping him and had all of her friends turn against her. Not to mention the party he was having just so he and his gang could beat up her new date Keith (Eric Stoltz). At least Amanda got back at Hardy with a few bitch slaps and Keith realized that the popular/rich crowd was just not his thing and that the girl of his dreams was really his best friend Watts (Mary Stuart Masterson). Hardy was pretty much left at his own party looking like the real fool.

4. Biff Tannen (Back to the Future)

Going back in time in a DeLorean seems like the coolest thing ever, but going back and being picked on by the same guy who used to pick on your father... not so much. Biff Tannen (Thomas F. Wilson) is pretty much the model for all bullies. He is the kind that gives his victims noogies, takes their lunch money and maybe once in a while call them a butthead or something like that. Biff's favorite victim of all was of course the nerdy George McFly (Crispin Glover). Biff knew he could bully George into doing his homework for him and he even continued to use him as a stepping stone once they entered adult life. It should also be mentioned that Biff was a total pig whenever he was around Lorraine (Lea Thompson). Luckily, when Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) went back in time he was able to change all that. Biff was longer the big guy on the block.

3. Heather Chandler, Heather Duke and Heather McNamara (Heathers)

Oh, those Heathers. They represent the type of girls everyone hated in high school. The clique consisted of Heather Duke (Shannen Doherty), Heather McNamara (Lisanna Falk) and the leader Heather Chandler (Kim Walker). They were rich, pretty and popular. Did I mention they were mega-bitches too? Although they knew they were top shit at their school, behind all that they had problems just like everybody else. That pretty much explains why they were hated by their peers more than they were adored by them. Veronica Sawyer (Winona Ryder) was one of the those people that was sort of in between. Even though she was friends with the Heathers, she was also enemies with them. She wanted to put a stop to them and once she met new guy J.D. (Christian Slater) that wish came true, just not the way she had planned.

2. Steff McKee (Pretty in Pink)

Steff  (James Spader) might have had the good looks, but he was too much of a dick for Andie's (Molly Ringwald) taste. All he cared about was smoking cigarettes, being rich and screwing all the girls at school. He didn't even care that he tried to ruin the relationship between his best friend Blane (Andrew McCarthy) and Andie, because the truth was that he really wanted her and was pissed at the fact that she wasn't ever going to give him a chance. Just shows how mature he was about it since there was another guy by the name of Duckie (Jon Cryer) who was trying to win Andie over too, but you didn't hear him call her a bitch. Oh well, turns out at the end Blane got Andie, Duckie got a Duckette and Steff got shit.  

1. Johnny Lawrence (The Karate Kid)

Well, who else did you think was going to be number one? William Zabka is without a doubt the quintessential jerk of the 1980's. If it weren't for Zabka, we probably wouldn't have a lot of the other jerks that we love to hate today. Although he played a bully in several teen films from the '80s like Just One of the Guys and Back to School, his most memorable role is of course the role of Johnny Lawrence in The Karate Kid. It almost seemed like everything was all peachy for new kid Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio) until the night he met his friend Ali Mills' (Elisabeth Shue) ex-boyfriend Johnny Lawrence. From then on Johnny and his gang made Daniel's life a living hell by using their Cobra Kai moves on him, eventually forcing him to learn karate from his neighbor Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) in order to fight back. As we all know Daniel succeeds in the end, but you also can't help but feel bad for Johnny. He wanted to try and beat Daniel fair and square, but his sensei John Kreese (Martin Kove) thought different and forced Johnny to "sweep the leg". Even when Daniel won Johnny handed him the trophy and complimented him showing that he wasn't such a bad guy after all. Although he is one of the few bullies that changed his evil ways at the end, we still can't forget all the hell him and his Cobra Kai buds put Daniel through. 

Honorable Mentions:
Mick McAllister (Teen Wolf)
Ace Merrill (Stand By Me)
Wendy Richards (Prom Night)
Fred Gallo (The Heavenly Kid)
Brad (Night of the Creeps)
Tommy (Valley Girl)
Chet Donnelly/Ian & Max (Weird Science)
Russ Deacon (18 Again!)

May 3, 2011

R.I.P. Poly Styrene

I know it has been several months since I've been on here, but I think it's time to start updating more often. So for my first post in months, I've decided to pay tribute to a punk icon. Poly Styrene, whose real name was Marion Elliot-Said, passed away last Monday at the age of 53 from breast cancer. She was the lead vocalist and songwriter for X-Ray Spex. The band is best known for their single, "Oh Bondage Up Yours!", which has since become a punk rock anthem. They were also known for creating one of the greatest punk rock albums of all-time, Germ Free Adolescents. Despite being together for a short period of time, the band were a major influence on both punk and new wave music.

Shortly after the band split up, Poly pursued a solo career and released a few albums. Most recently with her third studio album Generation Indigo, which was released three days after her death. Poly will be remembered for being a pioneer of punk rock and new wave music with her anti-consumerism/feminist lyrics and thrifty style. She was an artist way ahead of her time. Styrene will certainly be missed and her spirit will continue to live on through her music.